GRACE'S FATHER AND MOTHER WERE divorced even before Grace could remember. Her paternal grandfather was a wealthy man as he held more than 100 acres of land in Krungtep (or Bangkok); the capital city of Thailand. He was able to rear his grandchildren to study aboard and lived without having to work. Grace's father, the youngest boy of the family, was spoilt rotten and so had never had to work for a living. However, Grace's mother grew up as middle class and hence she had to work 9-5 (plus OT) like many others.
Opportunity in education
Because of Grace's parents divorce, Grace and her younger brother also had to separate as the judge made the decision that Grace would be living with her father and her brother would be living with her mother. To Grace's childish's mind, this turning point did not seem to have any impact on anyone. It took her a while, until she grew up and married, to see the differences between her life and her brother's that developed from the divorce of her father and mother.
After Grace and her brother had been separated into two different families, Grace was enrolled to a private school as her paternal family was wealthy, whereas her younger brother was sent to a state school operated by the government for a small fee. (Read a brief description of the school system in Thailand here).
Not only did Grace have the opportunity to obtain an education from a private school where English was taught from the first year, but her paternal grandfather and aunts also cultivated her love of education by buying her extra classes in the evening after she finished school Monday to Friday. They also paid for her to take classes to develop talents such as Thai dancing, Ballet and Piano. (In Thailand a 45-60 mins class for western style pursuits such as Ballet, Piano, Violin can cost as much as one day income for working class people).
Grace's paternal grandfather had sent his children and grandchildren to study in well-known Thai institutions, he also sent most of his sons to study in America. America was at the time a very popular destination for wealthy Thai parents to send their kids to obtain education.
A male dominated country
Grace's grandfather only sent his boys to study aboard and kept his daughters to work at home because Thailand was a male dominated country. Not only did her grandfather had kept his daughters in the house but he also didn't allow them to travel alone outside the house and even to meet men. Some of Grace's aunties ended up being pregnant with the gardener and the driver and that probably taught her grandfather that he couldn't stop human nature. As a consequence, Grace's youngest aunt was allowed more freedom to do many things, including studying away from home. Hence, when Grace grew up, she grew up among educated relatives, especially her youngest aunt; who later became an English teacher in one of the most well-known high schools in Krungtep, so she had the opportunity to become a smart student.
Competition started early
At the private school where Grace studied, there were always competitions. The school set a board in the entrance of the school building where everyone would see when they walked in that presented the top 1-10 students in each year. Grace was always on this board. Grace was never certain whether this was a good practice and when she grew up and was told that in the UK, students exam results were only revealed to the student she found it a significant contrast. In the UK it was hidden, whereas in Thailand, it was exposed. This also showed how competitive it could be in Thai culture.
As a child, Grace didn't feel any difference between herself and her younger brother. She only knew that she was a good student and everyone adored her for that, whereas her brother was reproached as stupid as he was always compared with Grace. Some said that Grace's brother was born stupid as he didn't accumulate enough merit in his last life (Thais are Buddists and believe in reincarnation and karma, what you do in one life, good or bad, effects how your are reincarnated in the next). The more often Grace received praise, the more she became arrogant and thought that she was blessed from the merit she had accumulated in her last life, just like the adults around her said.
Grace was moved from private school to a state school in her primary year five as her family heard that the state school offered a quota for good students to get entry into well-known high schools without sitting exams. However, after Grace had moved to the school already, her family realised that they had misunderstood the rules of the quota. The quota existed but it was only for students who had been studying at the school for the last three years (so she arrived a year late!). Really, the adults should have studied the complete rules prior to making such a disruptive decision to move a kid to a new school but her family often rush into things without complete understanding.
Still Grace continued to achieve good marks in the state school she just moved to, especially in English because in Thai government primary schools, English was taught only in the last two years (so starting in the year Grace joined) whilst Grace had been taught English since kindergarten year 1 at her previous private school. Grace as a child became more arrogant, because her classmates had only just started to learn their ABC, so she felt superior and sometimes she ridiculed her friends.
The turning point
When Grace had moved to her new school, she had stopped taking extra classes in the evening. However in her last year, year 6, she was sent to take extra tutorials in order to prepare herself for the entrance exam into a well-known high school. While Grace was studying in this tutorial class, she experienced something she couldn't explain as a young child aged 12. She met a friend who had been her classmate while at private school, who was ranked as having poor results. Grace at that school had been grouped with students who had excellent results, but when they did the tests at the tutorial class, her old friend got higher marks than her in all subjects. Grace felt somewhat strange, but couldn't explain, because she didn't understand why. She got confused, but didn't think anything further because she was just a kid. However, she always remembered this story in her memory and when Grace sat the exams to gain entry into prospective high schools, although everyone thought Grace was such a brilliantly smart student, she didn't manage to get into any of the schools.
Later, Grace got in contact with another friend from the same private school, she heard that her friend was studying at one of the most phenomenal institutions in Thailand with another of her old friends. These two friends had not been as good students as Grace either. Grace got more confused.
Grace didn't understand, and the adults around her didn't understand either and didn't support her when she needed it most. Grace started to feel like she had regressed and stopped believing in herself. She no longer believed that she was born with abundant merit which had made her brilliantly clever like people used to say. She got very discouraged and didn't feel she was special anymore, hence she lost her courage to pay attention when studying and became disobedient, partying at night, skipping classes and trying drugs.
Grace was addicted to partying so much that she had to quit school and every time she tried to go back to school, she could no longer cope as her studies had been disjointed. Often she had to write the answers on her arm under her sleeves and/or copy from her friends in exams so that she would at least pass each year. For herself and her family would be ashamed if she failed, as she was born into a Thai family where competition was very high. Grace was under a lot of pressure, as this competition not only between adults but adults tended to use their kids to compete with other kids as well. Some relatives would try to make the kids in the family all compete together too, instead of teaching and cultivating the kids to be united and reconciled with each other.
Beyond sky there is still sky
There was another scenario that Grace experienced after she grew up. Grace had a lot of young friends and one day, her friend's dad told her that his daughter was number 1 in his class that year, and also said further that among all the kids in the family, nobody else had never managed that. Grace listened with sadness, as she felt sympathy for other family members that heard it. Grace just congratulated her friend but didn't exaggeratedly praise her like her dad had, as she had learn't in the past and experienced that number 1 now didn't mean number 1 forever. There is a saying in Thai which is "beyond sky there is still sky", that's all.
From this scenario Grace started to understand the reason why family members hated and got jealous amongst each other and didn't love and reconcile with each other as they should. Grace remembered when she was young she always heard adults comparing all kids around the same age. Interestingly, when Grace's friend had to sit an exam to get entry into a well-known high school, she didn't manage to get through either. Grace could just remember how this friend of hers would feel. What made the situation worse was that the adults wouldn't put any blame on themselves but instead pushed it on to the kids - when us kids, already blamed ourselves. The kids could get very disappointed, just like Grace did, and turn themselves from a good girl into a troubled girl. Grace felt that her family should be more understanding and learn to be good parents. She felt they should show their true feelings and give true opinions to the kids. However, in Thai culture, what scared the Thais most was to "lose their face", consequently most adults tended to distort situations and push all the faults/mistakes made onto youngsters who were taught not to have a voice or to express their opinions.
Too much competition, even lying to save face and image
Moreover, Grace also had another experience where many of her friends lied to everyone that they had studied at top notch universities in Thailand and across the world. Grace understood why her friends had to lie, that it must be because her friends had got this massive pressure from their family and given extreme competition within their family as well had lied to save their face and the image of themselves and their family.
For Grace, after she became a bad girl she started to be condemned so much that often she considered suicide, as she felt nobody understood and was there for her when she needed it most.
When Grace grew up, however, to become an adult she started to understand more of her childhood experiences. She wasn't born smart because of the merit she had accumulated from her last life, but she had received what is called "opportunities" in her education that were not open to everyone.
Next - Chapter 2: Unequal opportunity and skewed value system
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